When I joined Extu, I was told something I’ll never forget: “Don’t worry about being liked. Worry about building the future.” That came from someone who had watched too many good ideas die because the person behind them cared more about the room's approval than the outcome.

It was a guiding principle and a warning. Because growth, especially at scale, demands decisions that not everyone would make.

For more than two decades, I’ve been obsessed with one thing: sustainable, measurable growth. The kind built on strong teams, disciplined execution, and bold ideas. But real growth doesn’t happen because everyone agrees with you. It happens because someone is willing to confront what isn’t working and fix it.

As a woman in a leadership position, that has meant learning a few hard-earned lessons.

1. Commit to Being Direct, But Earn the Right

When I stepped into a leadership role at Extu in 2012, it was clear that change was necessary. We needed stronger operational rigor, higher creative standards, and real accountability. I moved quickly and directly. Not everyone was ready for it.

But leadership isn’t about popularity. It’s about equipping your organization to win. Hard conversations are part of the job. You have to be willing to put the best people in the room to pursue the strongest solutions and confront the most pressing issues.

What I learned as I matured, however, is that directness without trust can rub people the wrong way. Radical candor only works when people know you’re invested in them. Early on, I was strong on standards but lighter on relationship-building. Over time, I realized that without buy-in, even the best strategy fails.

Today, when I challenge an idea, my team understands it’s about collective success. I’ve earned trust by being consistent and transparent. And once trust is in place, candor becomes a key to success because I receive the same candor from my team, making me a better leader.

2. Act on Your Passions, Not Their Perceptions

Women in leadership are often evaluated differently than men. Decisiveness in a man is “strong.” But decisiveness in a woman might be frowned upon.

Unfortunately, there are stereotypes about women that are hard to break through. Some people still believe that the executive table should be a man’s world. I know this firsthand. I was told as much, directly, by a former CEO.

Early in my career, I had to make a choice: adjust my ambition to fit a narrative, or lead in a way that feels true to myself. It’s no secret that I can be direct. But I try to remain composed and analytical, not emotional. The question I kept asking myself wasn't whether I was too much. It was whether the people questioning were paying attention to the right things.

Representation also matters. When few women occupy leadership roles, it can create quiet competition. I believe unity is more powerful. Expanding the number of women at the table, or anyone else who may be underrepresented, strengthens the industry. We need to do that by speaking up and leading without worrying about others’ opinions, which are just insecurities.

Extu CEO Nichole Gunn

3. Silence Your Nerves and Speak Up

If you’re in the room, you were invited for a reason. Contribute.

One of the clearest lessons I learned came during a meeting where a senior executive presented an ad to a full room of leaders. But it didn’t feature the company name, the logo, or a call to action. Everyone praised it. But I raised my hand.

Later, I found out others had noticed the gaps but were afraid to speak up and offend the executive. He went on to tell me he appreciated the transparency.

Since then, I’ve applied this philosophy with clients and colleagues alike. Whether it’s pointing out infrastructure gaps or giving constructive feedback, people appreciate transparency. You have to take the opportunities you get to speak up, even when staying silent would be easier.

4. Define Success on Your Own Terms

Leadership is strategic, but it’s also deeply personal. I’ve made deliberate decisions about how to invest my time and energy. For me, that meant prioritizing continuous learning, travel, and building a company for long-term impact. It also meant accepting, early on, that something else would have to give.

Evenings. Weekends. Holidays. Time with people I love. There were stretches where I missed more than I made it to. I'm not complaining, that trade was mine to make. But I want to be honest about it, because leadership always costs something, and pretending otherwise doesn't help anyone coming up behind you.

What mattered was knowing what I was building toward. That clarity made the sacrifices legible. Not easy. Legible. I could look at what I was giving up and understand why. There’s no universal blueprint for growth. Leadership begins with self-awareness and the confidence to define success on your own terms.

5. Growth Doesn’t Happen Overnight

The market is evolving quickly, fueled by intelligence and innovation. But the fundamentals of leadership remain constant. Be direct. Lead from conviction. Speak up. Define your own path.

Sustainable growth is built intentionally, over time, by leaders willing to do the hard work required to make it last. And maybe you’ll upset some people along the way. Growth built to last doesn't come from playing it safe. It comes from people willing to do the work and hold the line, even when that's uncomfortable for everyone in the room, including themselves.

(As CEO of channel marketing company Extu, Nichole Gunn is among the few women leading at the intersection of channel tech, incentives, and partner marketing.)